Santa Takes on the Gnomes – Happy Monday

The Showdown

I am warning you. Stop scaring the kids, they’re my domain.

Gnomes and Santa

Gnomophobia. Can you believe it, there is a name for it. I have been reading more posts and comments on this very phenomena. The fear of Gnomes. Am I hearing and reading this correctly? There are people afraid of gnomes, kids and adults alike.

I am not making fun of them, I am just in utter astonishment to be afraid of something that does not exist, Santa excluded of course.

Are gnomes really going to come to life and attack you while you are sleeping, the time when Santa is hard at work? Parents are you moving the gnomes in the dead of night, just to have your frightened kids scared the next morning? Shame on you! This is not the same as eating the milk and cookies for heaven’s sake.

Santa is taking issue with all this nonsense. He is getting a little peeved that less and less are believing in him and gnomes are partly responsible. He thinks the gnomes are honing in on all the holidays.

The gnomes on the other hand think Santa swiped their attire, the red hat, black belt and boots. They think he just added a little fluffy white fur. And he monopolized the reindeer, a gnome friend and transporter.

I must be giving bloggers night terrors with what I thought were cute little imaginary garden dwellers that I have been illustrating.

I can not fathom them being creepy and  totally freaking people out, but this appears to be real. People, gnomes are not trolls. Now they are evil, given the folklore and myths.

I am thinking of employing garden gnomes in my garden for security. If they scare the bejeppers out of people, what the heck, here’s an idea. Albeit the fact that many consider them a bit tacky, whimsical or downright tasteless adorning a respectable garden, they might prove useful.

Here is a real life example of gnome security that happened in the UK and was reported by the Sun.

A grandmother knocked out a burglar by hitting him with a garden gnome.
Jean Collop, 69, woke at 5am to find an intruder clambering on her roof. She yelled at the man, then picked up a gnome and hurled it at him. It bounced off his head, leaving him lying dazed on the roof in Wadebridge, Cornwall. Jean dashed to fetch her rolling-pin and a camera, and then took photos of the burglar as neighbours called the police.

Officers arrived to find the man still on the roof and half a dozen locals standing guard.
Jean said: “I heard a crash and rushed out in my nightdress. I politely told him not to move and grabbed the first thing that came to hand, which was a garden gnome.

“When it hit him he lay down for a while. I got my rolling-pin in case. I didn’t want to break another gnome.”
The Sun.

So is this not a great way to deter crime, just grab a pointy hat and yell, ‘Stay back, I am armed with a garden gnome”. If that does not stop the intruder let loose and hurl.

So now I envision people carrying them around as weapons. That or as a talisman to scare off the would be attacker. Wave the pointy hat and watch the attacker cower in fear.

So what if people started arming themselves with gnomes, would the police charge them for carrying a concealed weapon?  I think it would be hard to hide the pointy hats.

Maybe you would have to get a carry permit and in New York State, have to practice at gnome hurling ranges before you could be considered for a license to carry. Since the gnomes are top-heavy, learning to toss them may not be so difficult. The pointy hat may prove dead accuracy and with any luck, impale your attacker after considerable practice.

And I am also sure that there would be some kind of gnome protection league in opposition to this callous use of gnomes.  Even garden enthusiasts would be lamenting the cruel use of their beloved gnomes. But those afraid of gnomes would be happy more of them lie in a pile of plaster dust.

I have even been a bit concerned as to losing readers for my gnome portrayals. I certainly don’t want readers afraid to visit my blog for fear of encountering my series on gnomes.

I have been having fun drawing gnomes, and if I scare a few of you, I am sincerely sorry. I will post a disclaimer and warning prior to posting on gnomes, so you my readers can safely return to reading my blog over your morning cup of coffee. Anyway, Santa would be pleased if all the gnomes went back to the forest.

About Garden Walk Garden Talk

I love to photograph, paint, draw, design, garden, travel the world, and pass on a few tips and ideas that I learned through experience as a Master Gardener and architect. I am highly trained in my field and enjoy my work each and every day. I garden in Niagara Falls, NY in zone 6-B. Find me at:
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35 Responses to Santa Takes on the Gnomes – Happy Monday

  1. Marguerite says:

    The absolute best part of that article for me – ” I got my rolling-pin in case. I didn’t want to break another gnome.” Not only was she upset she broke a gnome, but there seems to be more where that one came from!

  2. lifeshighway says:

    I’m not frighten, bring the pointed hatted buggers on. You are doing a community service.

    • I know you would take on a whole army of gnomes. I have seen your posts on herds of them. Funny thing is I am not joking about losing readers.

      I had to delete two comments, one saying they creeped her out, and another that admitted fear since she was little. I did not want other readers to follow suit by these readers saying they could not read my blog if it had gnomes. But, I thought about it and realized. I do this blog for fun, and if I like the little pointy hats, I am still going to publish their adventures. So Gnomes Having a Bad Day and Gnomes Have Good Advice will continue, with a disclaimer on a preceding post of course.

  3. Garden Sense says:

    I’m just taken with the artwork. You’re some artist!

  4. Missy says:

    Poor gnomes. I’ve seen them taken on holidays (where they send their owner happy snaps from various locations) and kinapped and held for ransom, even secretly multiply (as they did for Paul at Handlebar Garden). Iwould never have though they would scare anyone.

    • I too was surprised to read it. It seems to be an unfounded fear, but I guess most are. I think the kidnapping stories are funny. They end up all over the world. I bet the is how Travelosity got the idea for the travelling gnome. And I read too where people afraid of gnomes can not watch the commercial. One story said a woman had nightmares because of the talking gnome on TV. I bet she tried to sue them. What about the talking gecko. I bet there are people afraid of him too.

  5. debsgarden says:

    I don’t like gnomes one bit. I’m not afraid of them, because I am bigger than they are. But they do tend to take over a garden, and that’s a no-no. However, as long as they mind their own business and stay away from my garden, I won’t bother them. On the other hand, I love Santa. He is cheerful, only stops by once a year, and always brings presents

    • I am glad you are not a blogger afraid of them. I can not afford to lose another reader. LOL. I am amazed at how many collect them in their gardens in multitudes. I saw one in Niagara Falls years ago, where the whole small front yard was decorated in gnomes. Every size imaginable. Those people either moved or got told to remove the gnomes. It was a sight. I went back to photograph them and they were gone.

  6. One says:

    Hmm… It’s funny. It’s really all up to us what we want to think of gnomes. Were you joking about deleting 2 comments?

    I have quite a few books on The Secret Book of the Gnomes. They talk about gnomes loving and caring for injured animals and how they color their clothes with vegetables dyes etc. I thought they are great kids’ books.

    • Yes, two bloggers did tell me they were afraid of gnomes. And one has never returned to my blog. The post was not serious except for two points. I have read so many stories on gnome fear, and it was named, not by the AMA, but it has a name.

      I think they are cute, but not real. I make my stories as if I believe they are real to make them funny.

      And I too know how good gnomes are in folklore. That is why I am doing the series, Gnomes Give Good Advice. I think they are cute and there is so much I can do with them in illustrated pictures.

  7. Connie says:

    This was such a delightful way to spend part of my Monday morning! I have often thought that I would like to add a gnome or two to my garden, but I haven’t found any that seem to be worthy. I would name them, and give them jobs, since I could really use some help around here most of the time.

  8. Enjoyed your post and my morning coffee! 🙂 Love your illustrations! I have one gnome that is about 2 inches tall in my rock garden. I thought he was kind of cute because he was so little. Not sure how much security he would provide.

    • Your gnome may not be very effective as a security guard, but I am sure he is busy in your garden at night keeping your garden in order. Provided he is a garden gnome and not a forest dweller. They have been known to be accidentally relocated by mistake.

  9. Hysterical, love the robber story. There have been a bunch of robberies in my neighborhood, I am going out right now to purchase a gnome….a weapon….a garden ornament–how versatile. Carolyn

  10. Fun post.
    No gnomes live in my garden. That I know of…

    • I too have no garden gnomes, but I am betting I have just not seen them as of yet. I may gave accidentally brought one home along with a boxwood. They are masters of disguise and could have been deep inside the shrub. They are pretty secretive, too. At the farm, they are all over the place and very domesticated.

  11. Karen says:

    Donna, what a hilarious post! I laughed so hard and had to read it out loud to the rest of the family here and they were rolling, too. I want that grandmother on my side in any street fight. To let loose with a gnome and bean a bad guy on the noggin is amazing!

    Gnomes to the rescue, soon we will have to buy Gnome Permits, wouldn’t want to be caught carrying a concealed one!

    • Now that people have read how effective they are, who knows. Their popularity may soar.

      That granny has spunk. I can not believe she came back. I would not have taken the chance. The guy had to be pretty mad and embarrassed.

  12. Cat says:

    Loved the grandma story! Had to smile at her disappointment in breaking the gnome and then the fact that she ran to get her camera! Is she possibly a garden blogger!?

    • I do not know. I Googled the Sun story directly and copied from the site. I bet if you typed in her name, there would be associated stories on her adventure. I am sure the newspaper was not the only one to pick up here tale. It was humorous.

  13. Christine B. says:

    I stick to more pedestrian fears, like spiders and clowns. If someone hurled a spider at me, I’d probably pass out. That woman deserves a parade in her honor.

    And those gnome renderings belong in the Smithsonian….

    Christine in Alaska, too cold for gnomes

    • Thank you for the huge compliment. I agree on granny. A medal would be fitting. I have been reading a lot of fearless grandmother stories lately. One beating a robber out the door at a convenience store. Another with a shotgun in her house pointed at a robber while dialing 911.

  14. What does Marty the zebra say to hordes of gnomes? Didn’t have any where he came from! Or doesn’t he remember Africa?
    Sorry I haven’t seen your gnome art before. I love it. I’ll be back ;>)

    • Marty came from Michigan. A farm there raises them. I never mentioned that in my posts with his picture. He was taken from his mother immediately after birth and came to the farm a six days old. He has only memories of the Farm I am guessing. I am glad you liked the gnomes. I do have one in the planning with Marty too.

  15. Eliza says:

    Oooh… that pointy-hatted gnome is indeed lethal looking! Also, I think the idea of a gnome-hurling range is hilarious, I’d definitely go to one!

  16. Haha, now I am thankful to my gnome…guess he’s the reason no one has trespassed on my african daisy patch that it was watching over! Even my dogs must be afraid of it. They walk all over the anthuriums but avoid the daisies. Got to get me more garden gnomes. Thanks for the entertaining story, Donna.

  17. Shyrlene says:

    GWGT – please tell me that you and “Along Life’s Highway” ( have met??!! If by some odd chance you haven’t… check out her link! –Shyrlene

  18. Shyrlene says:

    Ok – now I feel like an idiot! I just saw your comment on “Along Life’s Highway’s” blog!! (I hate when I have a blond moment…)

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