I am warning you. Stop scaring the kids, they’re my domain.
Gnomes and Santa
Gnomophobia. Can you believe it, there is a name for it. I have been reading more posts and comments on this very phenomena. The fear of Gnomes. Am I hearing and reading this correctly? There are people afraid of gnomes, kids and adults alike.
I am not making fun of them, I am just in utter astonishment to be afraid of something that does not exist, Santa excluded of course.
Are gnomes really going to come to life and attack you while you are sleeping, the time when Santa is hard at work? Parents are you moving the gnomes in the dead of night, just to have your frightened kids scared the next morning? Shame on you! This is not the same as eating the milk and cookies for heaven’s sake.
Santa is taking issue with all this nonsense. He is getting a little peeved that less and less are believing in him and gnomes are partly responsible. He thinks the gnomes are honing in on all the holidays.
The gnomes on the other hand think Santa swiped their attire, the red hat, black belt and boots. They think he just added a little fluffy white fur. And he monopolized the reindeer, a gnome friend and transporter.
I must be giving bloggers night terrors with what I thought were cute little imaginary garden dwellers that I have been illustrating.
I can not fathom them being creepy and totally freaking people out, but this appears to be real. People, gnomes are not trolls. Now they are evil, given the folklore and myths.
I am thinking of employing garden gnomes in my garden for security. If they scare the bejeppers out of people, what the heck, here’s an idea. Albeit the fact that many consider them a bit tacky, whimsical or downright tasteless adorning a respectable garden, they might prove useful.
Here is a real life example of gnome security that happened in the UK and was reported by the Sun.
A grandmother knocked out a burglar by hitting him with a garden gnome.
Jean Collop, 69, woke at 5am to find an intruder clambering on her roof. She yelled at the man, then picked up a gnome and hurled it at him. It bounced off his head, leaving him lying dazed on the roof in Wadebridge, Cornwall. Jean dashed to fetch her rolling-pin and a camera, and then took photos of the burglar as neighbours called the police.
Officers arrived to find the man still on the roof and half a dozen locals standing guard.
Jean said: “I heard a crash and rushed out in my nightdress. I politely told him not to move and grabbed the first thing that came to hand, which was a garden gnome.
“When it hit him he lay down for a while. I got my rolling-pin in case. I didn’t want to break another gnome.”
So is this not a great way to deter crime, just grab a pointy hat and yell, ‘Stay back, I am armed with a garden gnome”. If that does not stop the intruder let loose and hurl.
So now I envision people carrying them around as weapons. That or as a talisman to scare off the would be attacker. Wave the pointy hat and watch the attacker cower in fear.
So what if people started arming themselves with gnomes, would the police charge them for carrying a concealed weapon? I think it would be hard to hide the pointy hats.
Maybe you would have to get a carry permit and in New York State, have to practice at gnome hurling ranges before you could be considered for a license to carry. Since the gnomes are top-heavy, learning to toss them may not be so difficult. The pointy hat may prove dead accuracy and with any luck, impale your attacker after considerable practice.
And I am also sure that there would be some kind of gnome protection league in opposition to this callous use of gnomes. Even garden enthusiasts would be lamenting the cruel use of their beloved gnomes. But those afraid of gnomes would be happy more of them lie in a pile of plaster dust.
I have even been a bit concerned as to losing readers for my gnome portrayals. I certainly don’t want readers afraid to visit my blog for fear of encountering my series on gnomes.
I have been having fun drawing gnomes, and if I scare a few of you, I am sincerely sorry. I will post a disclaimer and warning prior to posting on gnomes, so you my readers can safely return to reading my blog over your morning cup of coffee. Anyway, Santa would be pleased if all the gnomes went back to the forest.